Ok I fucked up, can we get on with our lives now.

Ok, I done gone and done it. I personally fucked up an entire secret shop. Now can we get on with our lives. Of course not that would be to easy. First I must cry and beg forgiveness. Ain't gonna happen. I had a bad day so. Fucking sue me. I got called into the office at work today not once, but twice. Once to talk to Big Cheif Ihavumnoballs and the next time to talk to Mega Bitch. Ok, lets start this off with I'm sick now. I have a fever and I've felt all day like I'm going to pass out. I have been for 2 nights now getting up every 2 hours to give my son his inhaler so he doesn't suffocate from an asthma attack. So, I've had no sleep and I've caught whatever he had. The first time in the office was no problem. Him and everyone else according to him couldn't believe I fucked up that bad. No greets on sales floor or in the checkstand, no asking if I could help them find anything, and no offer to help them out with their shit. Not really like me. I guess I had a bad day. Ok I own it. I'm not perfect. This is only 2 out of 10 bad secret shops I've had.

Then comes the office with mega bitch. I told her that me and the cheif had already talked about it and she told me that now we needed to talk about it. She asked me what happened and I told her I didn't know. Then she asked me if I just didn't know what was expected of me. I told her I knew. Then she acted like I sucked ass and it was only a matter of time until something like this happened. I kiss ass all the time. So I had a bad day. Well, at that point I fell like I was going to cry and puke on their floor. So, I said I really don't feel well. She asked me if I'd like to go home and I said yes. I called my Zevon and cried all the way home.

He held me in the truck until I could get ahold of myself enough to go inside and deal with the boys. I don't want to go back, but I will because my children are more important than my pride. I wish I didn't have to go back. I feel a little peice of my soul dies everytime I have to go into that office with her. I hate kissing ass. I feel so alone in this even though I know I'm not. If things don't get better I will definately have to look for another job.

I thank god every day that I have a job, but is it really worth my soul, my pride, and my mental health. You'd think after everything else that has happened that they would have at least passed her on down the line. I don't know. My head feels like it's going to explode and I need to get some sleep. goodnight.

ttfn