I've been reading over my past.

Damn I was a lot funnier when I first started. Well, tonight is an attempt to start posting semi regularly again.

First off today sucked ass. As did yesterday. I think I have a creepy young fan at work. This is very disturbing to me. Because everyone says (lets call him ADA for short) American Dumbass likes me. He reminds me of both of my sons aged and morphed into one.

We have a young china cook wee will call CDA (Chinese Dumbass) I'm not feeling very original tonight. I think this guy gets some kind of perverse pleasure from standing in my way. This is one of my deli work pet peeves.

Here we are again heading into one of my classic rants:

Bathe you stupid dumbasses. ( Not the above ones just people in general) Do we really have to do the list again?

1. Soap is your friend
2. Shampoo is cheap
3. If the fish in your cart smells a lot better than you. See 1 and 2
4. Ass is not a perfume
5. Deoderant is not an option it's a must
6. Deoderant and perfume are not a substitute for bathing
7. Smelling like ass is not a family activity
8. Shit and piss are not pleasant smells
9. If I can smell you over me at the end of an eight hour shift working with greasy food all day you have a problem and you should accept it and take care of the problem
10. If you don't like this list Fuck off and go take a shower

This list was inspired by a family that came into my work today. Three of my coworkers could not help these people without gagging. There were two males and a female. One male and the female were ridding in mart carts. I'm sorry but those carts were practically smoking. They are only rated for 400 lbs. The other male was walking. It was like a wall of ass. You'ld walk up and then you'ld hit the wall. Everyone knows what I'm talking about. This was my day. More on the CDA and ADA maybe in a few days.

Now on to Mega HO:

I think I've posted on here about her before. But Maybe not. She worked in the deli for awhile then she went to be a courtesy clerk. Well, today I found out she had sex with the poster child for male ho's at my work. So now this kid of a checker has bagged a checker and a courtesy clerk. Probably a few others to be named later. You notice I don't use names on here. Most of you wouldn't know who they were anyway, but some might. I still have to work with most of these fuckers.

Big C just got back from church camp with mom. He says he found Jesus. What was he hiding? Now I know I'm going to have to beat it out of him.


Oh well, it's time to end this rant. Maybe more tomarrow.

ttfn

It's flashback day

What did those potatos ever do to you?
It's late there are only a handful of employees on the night shift at United Grocery Hell, UGH for short. A rather large woman enters the store. She's on a mission...a mission from God, or maybe the voices in her head. How the hell should I know? Her destination the swinging double doors in the back of the produce department. Maybe she had a childhood trauma involving a violating vegetable? How the hell should I know? Maybe she didn't get that Mr. PotatoHead doll? How the hell should I know? All I do know is that those poor potatos never hurt anyone, and an innocent young man was traumatized and nearly blinded. He still fears walking through the produce department and seeing the potatos.When we last saw rotund lady with the mission. She was on her way through the doors at the back of the produce department. Meanwhile the Innocentone was doing his job not bothering anyone. Who could have his life would never be the same? The enormous woman entered the doors. What went through her mind when she saw the step ladder and the pallet piled high with the innocent potatos, we will never know. What we do know comes from the Innocentone, after much therapy and drugs. He thought he saw a white apron hovering above the pallet of potatos. Every employee of UGH came running when they heard the screams. "IT' S THE ASS...THE ASS!!" "OH MY GOD, I'M BLIND!!" They found him unconscious on the floor clutching his eyes. Later, he recounted seeing the enormous woman hoisting her 450 pound bulk onto the top of the pallet of potatos. Where she proceeded to releave herself...urinate...pee..let loose the piss of war upon the poor helpless potatos who had never hurt a soul, and damage an innocent young man for the rest of his life.And what you may ask was the reaction of the woman in charge. The woman whose job it was to protect us from the evil pissers, the defilers of vegetables, and the the traumatizers of innocent young men. Did she call the police, you may ask? Did she call the zoo to tranquilize the creature? No, No I tell you she did nothing, but demand the potatos be banished back to wence they came and decree all record of the incident be erased from the record for all time. Also no mention of the inident was to be made.The one in charged declared for all to hear, "SHE COULD HAVE BEEN THE SECRET SHOPPER!!!"





20 Random thoughts
These are a few random thoughts I've had over the last few days. (Keeping in mind I was running a fever for two of the last three days.)


1. Gatorade is good.


2. Work sucks.


3. Life sucks.


4. Sex is good.


5. Porn is ok.


6. Chocolate is good.


7. People are dumbasses.


8. You can choose your friends but not your family.


9. Eight is not necisarily a bad thing.


10. Ex's are ex's for a reason.


11. Time is relative.


12. Racists are stupid fucks.


13. Why do really stinky farts linger?


14. Why do ugly people breed?


15. If stupid people stopped breeding would the human race die out.


16. If time is relative. Why are relatives never on time?


17. Why does the word merry sound like someting that makes people so sad?


18. If your ex dies in the woods and no one is around to see it did you really kill him?(just kidding)


19. Why is the word fuck a good and a bad thing?


20. If you can't make a decision, What kind of fence are you sitting on? Hopefully not a picket fence.

Bitch Slapping
I think bitch slapping in a vastly under used tool. People should be sentenced in court to a good bitch slapping.If you sell a bad product.If you cheat on your spouse you get bitch slapped by the wife/husband and by every one in the wronged spouses family. Breaking up with someone through an e-mail.Being a dumb ass.Implying your segificant other is fat or stupid.Stupid advertising slogans.Being a used car salesman.(Just on general principle. Once a day.)Being an executive, advertiser, or developer at Johnson and Johnson for the whole KY Jelly thing.If you abandon seginficant other (by leaving state or other) without notice.If you don't pay child support when you are supposed to.If you'd rather touch yourself than your partner.These bitch slappings should be a public event. With the receiver of the bitch slapping wearing a big sign telling what their crime was. That only seems fair and just. So, the general public can make fun of them as they leave their bitch slapping appointment.

That's it for tonight.

ttfn