sleep we don't need no stinkin sleep

I'm still sick and tired. Had to work at sucky job. Maybe more tomarrow. Now must get some rest, after I wash my work clothes for tomarrow.

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Ok I fucked up, can we get on with our lives now.

Ok, I done gone and done it. I personally fucked up an entire secret shop. Now can we get on with our lives. Of course not that would be to easy. First I must cry and beg forgiveness. Ain't gonna happen. I had a bad day so. Fucking sue me. I got called into the office at work today not once, but twice. Once to talk to Big Cheif Ihavumnoballs and the next time to talk to Mega Bitch. Ok, lets start this off with I'm sick now. I have a fever and I've felt all day like I'm going to pass out. I have been for 2 nights now getting up every 2 hours to give my son his inhaler so he doesn't suffocate from an asthma attack. So, I've had no sleep and I've caught whatever he had. The first time in the office was no problem. Him and everyone else according to him couldn't believe I fucked up that bad. No greets on sales floor or in the checkstand, no asking if I could help them find anything, and no offer to help them out with their shit. Not really like me. I guess I had a bad day. Ok I own it. I'm not perfect. This is only 2 out of 10 bad secret shops I've had.

Then comes the office with mega bitch. I told her that me and the cheif had already talked about it and she told me that now we needed to talk about it. She asked me what happened and I told her I didn't know. Then she asked me if I just didn't know what was expected of me. I told her I knew. Then she acted like I sucked ass and it was only a matter of time until something like this happened. I kiss ass all the time. So I had a bad day. Well, at that point I fell like I was going to cry and puke on their floor. So, I said I really don't feel well. She asked me if I'd like to go home and I said yes. I called my Zevon and cried all the way home.

He held me in the truck until I could get ahold of myself enough to go inside and deal with the boys. I don't want to go back, but I will because my children are more important than my pride. I wish I didn't have to go back. I feel a little peice of my soul dies everytime I have to go into that office with her. I hate kissing ass. I feel so alone in this even though I know I'm not. If things don't get better I will definately have to look for another job.

I thank god every day that I have a job, but is it really worth my soul, my pride, and my mental health. You'd think after everything else that has happened that they would have at least passed her on down the line. I don't know. My head feels like it's going to explode and I need to get some sleep. goodnight.

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Sick again. No not me.

I don't post a whole lot about my kids on here, but today I guess I will. I'm stuck with winney Little C. He woke up this morning to get ready for school. He was coughing so hard he was thowing up. Then he started to have seizures. Not the big floppy kind. He's only had one of those and it's been years. He has petiet mal seizures which means he spaces off. His face kinda looks like the faces of the zombies in the old zombie movies. Pale and blank. Today he also had a twitchy seizure he hasn't had in a while. It's where his right hand twitches while he's having the petiet mal seizure. He also had eye tic seizures this morning. Then wonder of wonders when he's not seizing he's coughing. Then he can't catch his breath and we have to use the rescue inhaler for his asthma. I had to call into work. If things didn't get better I would have had to take him to the hospital. We laid down to rest at 10 am. The next thing I knew it was 2 pm. He's better now his meds. have kicked in. He still has the cough and a slight fever. No more seizures for now. I hope it stays that way. The seizures and asthma attack all happened between 8 am and 10 am. It's been a busy day.

Little C. is sick a lot his meds. weaken his imune system just enough to make sure if someone around him has a cold or the flu he gets it. Though it's not weak enough for him to get so sick he won't recover from the cold or flu. The flu shot you might ask. He got the flu shot 2 years ago and got so sick that I couldn't leave him alone for a week. That was when he had his one and only grand mal seizure. He ran a very high fever and just didn't seem to be getting any better. So, he will not get another one for quite a while, or at least until he gets a little bigger. I think I'm done rambling on for now.

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House Rocks

I love the show House. I like doctor shows, but how many include sarcastic asses that you hate to love and love to hate. I just spent two days watching season one. Now I must shower and sleep. I do have work tomarrow.

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Too tired to function.

Today was a hell of a day. I went to work and started counting the minutes until I could go home. Hyperextended my knee about an hour into my shift. Left an hour and a half early. I'm still so tired. I couldn't sleep last night and neither could anyone I talked to today. Here's a list of things I want. They can be given to me in any order my readers choose.

1. One million dollars in small, unmarked, non sequential bills
2. 10 hours uninterupted sleep
3. two tons of hershey's chocolate
4. peanutbutter cup ice cream with twix magic shell
5. stuffed crust canadian bacon pizza
6. flowers
7. a new life
8. a baby (my Zevon is the only one who's to apply to give this item)
9. a house
10. a car

Fill free to send any of the above items to:

Doublebagger
c/o UGH
666 Not Avenue
Hell on Earth, WA 66666-666

Time to go try to read for awhile and get some sleep hopefully.

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Lazy days.

I haven't done much today. I turned in some HUD papers after having the landlord sign them. Then came home and advised one of the neighbors to call the cops on a knife weilding 10 year old who was swinging a stick. I didn't know what else to do. I've told my kids not to play with him but I don't want him around here. He doesn't go to school. His home is almost 100 miles away. He smarted off at the cop when he got here. Then he had another kid holding the knife for him. I don't want the kid here. I know neglect and his mom is guilty of it. She doesn't make him go to school. She drops him off here and then goes off god knows where. She has left him in the rain with no coat and no shoes. A friend of his mother was upstairs and went and found his mom when she thought the cop might take him. I would have let him take the kid. The kid is a psociopath he does things that could kill someone and has no remorse. He sharpened a stick tonight and hit a kid in the head with it. If the kid didn't have a bike helmet on he would have been seriously hurt. As it was he was a little dazed. This kid doesn't live here yet he will not leave when he is told to. He messes up the courtyard area. Our apartment building faces the one next door and we share a common little yard area. He brought a broken bottle into the common area and was swinging that around too. I have never told my children they couldn't play with a child no matter how much I don't like them, but this kid I have told them they can not be within 10 feet of. Everyone who gets close to him ends up in trouble and I don't need my boys in trouble for shit they didn't do. I guess that's all for tonight.

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eeeeeeewwwwww

Today I saw the most digusdting thing I've seen since disgusted's comments on Madame D's sight. I saw an old man sitting in one of those moterized carts with his legs spread wide. This would not be such a problem if his pant weren't unzipped. Worse yet he was wearing those cotton boxers with the fly. I really didn't want to see old man package. I shudder with revulsion just thinking about it.

I also saw the saddest thing since I realized that disgusted was mentally deficiant. Yes, I said it. This person and I use this term loosly. Told me Double Bagger to get a third bag. What the fuck does that mean? The name is a play on words with me being a courtesy clerk not a description of my intelligence. I am actually quite intelligent. It's just easier if people don't have expectations of you. Back on subject. I saw a perfectly nice lady. Yes, I said lady. She was polite and well spoken. She would have been a handsome lady if not for the dark red angry looking hand print around her neck. It looked like someone had choked her very hard.

Ok. Back to me. I am well read. I read at least two books a week. I have read several of the classics. I very rarely read non-fiction. Though I do like to read historical books. Mainly about history. Like Henry the VIII and all his wives. There where six 3 Catherines, 2 Annes, and a Jane. I have a pretty sucky memory, but I can remember a lot of historical info and useless facts. Well, I think I've rambled on down this road long enough tonight.

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Fuck them up thier stupid asses.

Ok, I never said I was a perfect mom. I wasn't exactly a perfect wife either. Hell I'm not even a very nice person half the time. I have to be nice to people all day at work. So, when I yell at my kids about not cleaning their room. I'm not being mean. I'm being mom. I spent almost two years living back and forth between my parents and my boyfriends house with two kids. Not a very stable environment. Now we have a home. It's an apartment, but ya gotta start somewhere.

So, Why all this rambling tonight? I read the comments on Madame D's blog. I got pissed and wrote like 3 rambling comments. The reason you might ask. Well, here it is. I hate people who think they are better than others. See. Most of the time I know I'm better than others. I suffer from depression. The problem is the meds. made me suicidal. So, I went cold turkey. I know what it's like to be depressed and not want to even get out of bed. I feel that way almost daily. When I'm alone it's worse. So, I know what it's like to want to do something but not having the energy or ambition to be able to do it.

I went through the worst of it when my husband left and took off with a younger woman. This was at the same time I was fighting with the doctors to get my son's epilepsy diagnosed. So, If the two who called themselves shocked and digusted wanna come here and judge me let them go ahead. I spent almost a year drunk and medicated after my husband left. Oh yeah did I mention at the time I was on welfare. Yeah just a big old sponge. I had my parents paying the bills I couldn't afford. I got over it. It all just takes time, but when I hear others judging someone for sponging off a loser ex-husband I just wanna kick thier asses.

Now I have a job at UGH that sucks ass. Though I do get to view and criticize other's on a daily basis which is a perk of the job. I guess it just goes to show. Some people have no compasion in their hearts for the people who need it. I think I've rambled enough for one night.

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So, Here's a brief run down of a week in the life of Doublebagger.

Ok. Lets see. It's been 7 days since the last post.

I stayed with my honey last weekend. His room mates new girlfriend's kids make mine look like angels straight out of heaven. I got no sleep and then have to work all this week until Saturday.

I was sick one day last week. Not sure which. Bad flu. Just got caught up on sleep last night.

Went to other branch of UGH yesterday to help with cleaning. I got to clean the loading dock and breakroom. Me and another courtsy clerk form my UGH cleaned their breakroom for almost 2 hours. All the sticky tape goo had to be off the fridge. OK. I was pissed off about having to waste gas to go over there and then I ended up doing repetitive things for the other 2 hours and 45 minutes. Cleaning the same things over and over because they are still doing construction.

Today:

I learn from one of our differently abled courtesy clerks that he's going to be a front end manager. We will call this person Wheely. He said he was training to be a front end manager. He' s been there three months. Also he's not even a checker. All he can do is direct taffic into the checkstands. I told him to be prepared for a few people to be pissed when they find out.


That's about my week in a nutshell. Today was payday and I'm back down to $3.00 which is in my purse. All that is in the bank is for my internet and electric bill. Poor again. Eating left over spagetti for dinner, at least it's only one day old spaghetti. Ok, I gotta work in the morning so goodnight.

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Kids are so funny some times.

Yesterday at UGH a couple were paying for a cart load of groceries. I was talking to their young children in the car part of the cart. I asked the little boy if they were going home to have dinner. He said,"No, mommy burns dinner." I couldn't help but laugh. My children say a lot of funny things, but they have never told a group of people that I burn dinner.

Today I had lots to do. I went to the financial planner and learned I was still poor. As if I didn't know. I had to go to the grocery store for Big C's birthday cake. I also had to pay rent and the storage unit. I have a grand total of $3.00 in the checking account. I can get cough drops. To which I am hopelessly addicted, or one gallon of gas for the gas guzzling truck.

Well, I gotta' work tomarrow and won't be home until late. So, I'll catch ya when I catch ya.

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Not acceptable for all veiwers.

Damn this has been a hell of a day. I worked a little shift today. What would I like to do right now?

Sex

Yes, I said it. I wanna get laid. The problem. My man is 30 minutes away, and gas is $3.00 a gallon. Us poor people can't afford to drive a half an hour for a booty call. So, I guess I'm all on my own in this one.

On to the rest of my day. I went to work and learned that I'm truely not alone in my loathing of mega bitch. This I knew, but I had another of the assault victims walk up and tell me that mega bitch tried to publicly humiliate her. Things have gotten way out of hand around these here parts.

Big C turned 11 yesterday. We will have cake and Ice cream tomarrow. Then next month is Thanksgiving and then Christmas and then is little C's birthday. I'm not going to have a break until March. You know that Feb. is my dad's birthday and Valentines Day. I'm already tired of birthdays and holidays and they haven't even really started yet.

My neighbors are making an ungodly amount of noise. The pounding must stop soon or I will have to hurt someone. That's it for right now.

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Too tired to be tagged.

I'll take care of it in a few days. Today has truly sucked ass. I got up and went to the bathroom. Looked down at the cat in the litter box and realized he has worms. Then I sat down on the toilet seat and it broke. I turned in my boss for pinching me. So, now I'm paranoid too. Soon I will have to sleep. I'll take care of this soon. Goodnight.

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